In Blog, Mindfulness, Uncategorized

Miscarriage Anniversary

Today marks the anniversary of the day we found out, through our pregnancy scan, that our baby had no heartbeat. This last year has been extremely challenging, despite this, we’ve tried to stay as positive as we can be. Only 2 weeks ago Jamie and myself agreed that we should investigate going down the IVF route.

The reason why I am sharing this today is because my heart goes out to all the couples who were considering an IVF journey imminently or are currently going through one. Due to the current situation with the Coronavirus, our IVF cycle has been put on hold in such uncertain times. Despite our investigation and confidence with regards to the IVF journey, somewhere inside I don’t feel 100% ready to start, so I have to admit, I’m ok with a slight delay. I still have faith in us falling pregnant naturally; they say every situation has a silver lining and hopefully something positive will come out of being isolated with the Coronavirus. I’m sure there will be a surge in a boom of babies being born in 2021 from the crisis.

So, for those who are currently on this journey I am trying my best to ensure that my diet is rich in antioxidants, full of protein, vegetables and carbohydrates and necessary vitamins and minerals.

Two weeks ago, after having our initial IVF meeting, Jamie and I were given a wonderful insight to nutrition for fertility and thankfully, before the panic buying started I stocked up on all the vital, recommended ingredients. Over the next few weeks I will try my best to follow and adhere to this lifestyle, ensuring that we have plenty protein at all mealtimes and avoid processed and junk foods. I’m not sure that will suit Jamie as he came back last night with bags of chocolates and sweets but at the same time, we cannot be too hard on each other. Thankfully, I know the strength of my will power, I’m not sure I can say the same for Jamie! However, as advised for Jamie, I am keeping him dosed in walnuts as apparently, they are great for men.

As I mentioned above, this year has been incredibly hard and it was only last week that I suddenly got my mojo back. I used to run at least 3-4 times a week but since the miscarriage I just couldn’t find the mental stamina to run. However, I told myself that it’s ok and it’s ok to be ok not running. When you’re ready, your body will let you know. Indeed, I find it fascinating that a week prior to the anniversary of our miscarriage I got my mojo back. It’s as if my body needed a year to heal from the miscarriage – everyone is different. Some people fall pregnant quicker post miscarriage but not everyone’s body functions in the same way.

Mentally, it has been very challenging and I know most people reading this would say, ‘just chill out’. But unless you’ve been in this situation before it’s really hard to hear phrases like ‘you just need to relax’.

I have been seeing a Chinese herbalist since June, together with seeing a reflexology specialist, by my wonderful friend Charlotte Bentley. I am doing whatever I can to try and remain calm but unfortunately, I can’t live in a bubble where life always seems positive 100% of the time. I’ve trained my mind to be as positive as I can but believe me, each and every month when you get your period can feel so cruel. I’ve had several torturous months when my period has been 4-6 days late and if that wasn’t enough to throw salt in the wound, I don’t know what is. Each month when I get my period, I just have to accept, know it wasn’t meant to be this time and give it 9-10 days before we can try again.

Sometimes I feel like we’ve tried every trick in the book and I’m always open to people offering help or advice but I guess, ultimately, whether you fall pregnant naturally or through IVF it will happen when it’s meant to happen. You cannot force nature – even going down the IVF route you’re never certain.

So, I can say to anyone who is going through a similar situation have faith, keep well-nourished and if you need to reach out I’m always here.

Lisa x

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